“I’ll miss you when you’re gone during summer”, my friend tells me. We’re sitting on a bench overlooking a sunlit park full of life. Adults have a picnic, teenagers play games and drink, kids are excited. It’s mid-June and it feels like the first day of summer.
Everyone is enjoying themselves, inhaling the sunshine and laughter. I get to feel the first taste of summer, but don’t get to enjoy it with my friends. No BBQs, no swimming in the river, no late night tipsy talks. We used to bond this way, two to three years ago. Now I spend my summers in Uruguay where the cold is unbearable at times.
My heart swells when I hear his words. They mean so much to me. I used to have many friendships in which we never said what we meant for each other. Of course, you don’t have to. But I think the world needs more love, and the best place to start is to show your appreciation to your loved ones before it’s too late.
I remember how we ended up in the same class after my exchange year four years ago. For almost a year, he was a riddle to me and we didn’t really get along. Some party nights and candid early morning talks changed that. Then, two years ago, there was another phase in which I felt like strangling him. But we talked it out and now – incredibly, when I think of our beginnings – he’s become one of my closest friends and is one of the few high school friends who makes an effort to keep our friendship alive – something that’s becoming rarer and rarer in our busy lives.
I survived a phase with very, very little friends. I learnt that I can depend on myself in the worst case. But life wasn’t enjoyable. I was a plant close to drying up, surviving with the minimum. Now I’m surrounded by supportive, loving people and I’m blooming, my roots growing stronger each day, more resistant to the storms that will come eventually. Words like these are raindrops my roots greedily absorb.
I’m watching the match Turkey vs. Spain with a group of guy friends, drinking beer. Not used to alcohol anymore, my general happiness in life quickly transforms into a bubbly happiness that threatens to burst my heart. I feel like giving one of my friends a tight hug, tell him how much he means to me.. but I pull myself together, knowing that in this state, I’ll quickly be labelled as too tipsy to be taken seriously. And maybe I am – but my feelings are genuine, I just get out of my rather stoic everyday me.
We sit together for hours, this group of close guy friends who study science and me. At first sight, I don’t fit at all, but surprisingly, I don’t feel excluded. I’m surprised I feel so comfortable. Even though I don’t know all of them equally well, I can be myself, knowing they’re my friends’ best friends and trustworthy. I’m so grateful, I’ve worn a mask for too long.
Time is running. I’m leaving Europe the day after tomorrow and I’m going to miss my people here.
The weather has finally got better so I had photo shoots every single day last week. It’s exhausting, but it fills me with joy. I’m happy when I get home after a sunrise shoot at 5.30am, with feet and legs wet from the fresh morning dew that clung to the grass. I’m happy when my limbs feel heavy and my head throbs after a shoot at the end of a long day; I’m exhausted, but can’t help but choose a first photo to edit until two thirty in the morning. Passion is madness.
I have so much new work to share with you. And, to be honest, I was overwhelmed by your amazing feedback to my last post. I have yet to answer some comments. It intimidated me, I guess that’s one of the reasons I didn’t post anything for almost three weeks. But yeah, I’m back and am happy that more new people found my blog <3
I hope you’re doing well. Take care <3
Model: beautiful Vanessa from Misleading maps