After realization hit me while writing this post I stayed awake until 3am in the morning because my thoughts felt like celebrating a crazy party in my mind. I couldn’t shake it off anymore, this uncomfortable feeling of secretly ignoring something my subconsciousness wanted to tell me because listening to it would cause uneasiness.
I don’t wanna study yet.
After finally acknowledging it, I had the much dreaded talk with my dad. It was tearful, dramatic – and positive, at the end. The alternative to studying this year is working for a couple of months in Switzerland and traveling to Uruguay and Singapore (and from there to other Asian countries) afterwards. Then I’d continue with my education next fall.
First I wanted to think of the pros and cons before deciding anything. But the days passed by and I noticed that I was already starting to assume that I won’t study this year. Now it’s actually already decided, I just want to have some talks before unsubscribing from the university.
At the beginning I thought I’d just study next year. Because that was the easy way out – I secretly knew this was the main reason for me doing it. Everyone studied after school. Nothing unusual, no risks. I wouldn’t have to try for a university place. Every other option included applying for something and risk a rejection. I didn’t want to put myself out there.
On the other hand, I knew I wasn’t being true to myself. I’m preaching that we should get out of our comfort zone and take risks and wouldn’t be consistent of myself if I ignored my inner voice, so the idea of studying really bugged me once I realized I didn’t really want to do it.
Finally, after my last photo excursion and hours of editing photos, I’ve come to realize that a career in photography could be something for me. It wasn’t the first time I had this thought, but I discarded it at first because I knew I couldn’t enter an art academy (too tough and I’m just a beginner) and I’ve never considered starting an apprenticeship because people in Switzerland normally don’t do this after their Matura (A levels).
However taking the photos last weekend made me cautiously think of it again and when my boyfriend suggested this week, independently of my idea, that photography could be something for me because I put so much time and money into it, I suddenly knew it was an idea I had to hold on to. I did some research about apprenticeships and further education and was intrigued, however the thought of doing an apprenticeship freaked me out. All my friends are going to university and I’ll do something totally different?
When I noticed that it was just my fear that was preventing me from following this idea before, I knew I didn’t have to look further. I found the right thing for me, just out of my comfort zone. After this discovery, I did everything to learn more about this path and noticed that there are people who don’t study after their Matura. Talking with them and learning about their experiences is incredibly reassuring.
So here I am, taking the path less traveled. It’s bloody creepy, but the one meant for me.
And damn, I’m motivated! I’m looking forward to having enough time to dedicate hours and days to photography. I wrote to a Uruguayan photographer I know a bit and asked for an internship. I’ve even started writing application drafts and am thinking of how I should portray myself. I’m hooked.
The idea is new, but it feels right. I’m happy I pulled the emergency brake in time.