winter

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Winter

It’s winter again. He left and here I am, stuck with too much time to think. I’m settling in, getting used to a life I once loved. Months have gone by, things changed, people left. I don’t recognise it anymore. I’m staring at its skeletal remains, taunting me. You should have treasured it while it lasted. And I want to scream – but I did, I loved every damn second of it. I adored it all – the blooms in spring, the warmth of...

Gratitude

Switzerland turns white the day before December. I’m in a little cultural center in the middle of nowhere, listen to beautiful live music with eyes closed, forgetting that I’m in a body, drifting away. And I feel immense gratitude. For the safety net around me that I could only dream of years ago. For friends who have experienced me as a bad-tempered party pooper, didn’t judge nor mind, and just stay when I was so afraid of being left. For friends...

Valizas

Being disconnected for a couple of days, soaking up the winter sun, the ocean breeze and a great read was the best gift I could make myself. When it was quiet at night I didn’t take out my iPod to listen to my favourite songs; I focused on the sound of the ocean instead. The steady swoosh of the waves when everything else fell silent reminded me of cars on a highway. It was soothing to know that there was...

A Precious Smile

We’re sitting in a train headed towards the mountains, playing Exploding Kittens. The compartment is packed. Luckily we’ve been early and caught a little space with a table for the four of us – two friends, my love and me. By the time precipices rise high outside the train window and the snow-covered mountain peaks seem within reach, we’re lost in the game. It’s funny. I remember being on trips many years ago, hearing other people having fun and laughing, envying them. There was no fun where...

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-3°C

We’re in the outskirts of my beloved forest, in an unobstructed spot overlooking Lucerne. An icy wind hits my bare skin. Am I out of my mind? Only a week ago I was sick, drinking liters of tea per day and clutching a heat pack to my tummy. But here I am, taking off my jacket, dress and bra in a swift movement. Biting cold receives me. Liberation. I’m not only shedding my clothes, but also the inhibition and fears that have accompanied me...