Uruguay

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monika-jia-rui-316

no sweets without calories

A part of me wants to throw herself into new adventures that promise both happiness and heartbreak while the other part, the one responsible for my heart’s wellbeing, is so damn afraid of the changes that would inevitably come with it. Everything seemed so clear one year ago; I thought I had my life figured out while everyone else freaked out about the future. Now I see what a fool I was. Certainties only exist in our mind. Nothing is clear,...

monika-jia-rui-242

Hurricane

April is stormy and passes by in a haze. My fear of being hurt and abandoned prevails. Lines and lines of squished words fill my notebook. The smaller and unreadable, the better. To avoid people reading it accidentally. I write during classes, boring speeches, lunch break, in the bus. The notebook is almost full. I wish the void within me could be filled as easily. The words don’t make a lot of sense, but I write as much as I can, hoping that a flash of genius would...

Lost Melancholy

October 2015 The wintery autumn night catches me by surprise. I cycle home after a stressful afternoon of babysitting. It’s shortly after 7pm, but the sky is already tinted in a shade of rich dark blue. The air I inhale feels like peppermint in my lungs. The sight of the lonely streets lit by yellowish street lamps fills me with melancholy and my heart aches for the heartfelt music of Keane, my favourite band I’ll probably forever relate with sad autumns and nostalgic winters....

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Arriving

Montevideo is bigger than I remembered and the rain has been falling almost continuously since my arrival a couple of days ago. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s grey. People hurry to get to their destination, focused on the path before them. I long for the familiar streets of Mercedes, the town where I suffered loneliness and consuming self-doubt – but also found love and friends. The first week, I hardly leave my boyfriend’s room. I can’t believe it. I thought I had...

Taste of Summer

“I’ll miss you when you’re gone during summer”, my friend tells me. We’re sitting on a bench overlooking a sunlit park full of life. Adults have a picnic, teenagers play games and drink, kids are excited. It’s mid-June and it feels like the first day of summer. Everyone is enjoying themselves, inhaling the sunshine and laughter. I get to feel the first taste of summer, but don’t get to enjoy it with my friends. No BBQs, no swimming in the river, no late night tipsy...