self-portrait

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The Elephant

I can’t believe how close I came to losing real friends just because my mind convinced me that I was expendable. After a month of avoiding him, I finally talk to C. He deserves the truth. I’ve brushed him off so often, but he didn’t let it prevent him from reaching out again and yet again. Friends like him are gold. Giving him up would be pure stupidity. So we drink beer in a cozy bar and I order a pitcher to make...

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Hurricane

April is stormy and passes by in a haze. My fear of being hurt and abandoned prevails. Lines and lines of squished words fill my notebook. The smaller and unreadable, the better. To avoid people reading it accidentally. I write during classes, boring speeches, lunch break, in the bus. The notebook is almost full. I wish the void within me could be filled as easily. The words don’t make a lot of sense, but I write as much as I can, hoping that a flash of genius would...

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Acceptance

“Something’s wrong with you,” she says, a questioning look in her eyes. Really. I laugh, trying to shake it off. “It’s probably the alcohol.” We’ve just drunk a glass of wine and a mojito. Home-made. It’s the first time we drink together. But I’m not convincing enough. “No, it’s something else.” She doesn’t know me that well, how can she be so sure? I thought I’ve found some kind of balance in the last couple of hours. But probably it was just another attempt to escape....

Breathing

Some photos I snapped during my hike near Meiringen (where Sherlock Holmes faked his death) on Saturday afternoon. No writing, no music, no distractions. I try to think as little as possible and focus on my environment. Let my mind and senses wander. Dried leaves rustle, stirred up by mice. Omnipresent chirping of birds. Faraway car noise. Sunshine, a pleasant breeze. Two deers half hidden in the covert. I take deep breaths. I’ve been waiting for this. Medicine for my tattered soul. I’m lucky...

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Scratches

When I feel like I’m exploding because of all the emotions within me and I just want to forget, I used to have three options: physical pain food alcohol But times have changed. I’ve become oh-so mature and choose the fourth option, photography. In the fading daylight I take my self-portrait in the forest. A nude, the first time I’m doing this without company. I’m horribly disorganized, my remote is at home so I have ten seconds to get from the camera to my spot, thorns...