love

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monika-jia-rui-286

naked body, naked soul

I look at the photo above and feel physical and emotional closeness. Intimacy. Finally being able to connect on that level fills my heart with so much joy. It’s kinda .. funny how quickly and radically I tend to shut myself off from people when the greatest desire within me, the thing that keeps me going, is to connect with others. But today I find myself where I’ve always wanted to be. For years I’ve longed for people I could share my deepest feelings...

monika-jia-rui-276

Mistakes

I have a weak moment. For a second, I allow myself to envision the forbidden scenario. That I’d stay here, come back in autumn and continue living in the place I love with the people I love. It’d be too easy, too lovely. No moving out, no goodbyes, no trying to find a new place to stay. I think of writing an email to the boss of the dorm and asking our neighbor who knows her for help. For a...

The Light

On some days, I’ve laughed merrily, the black phase just a faint memory in the back of my mind. I’ve even started to wonder if I hadn’t been too dramatic. On the first spring day this year, I have a wonderful photo shoot with a very talented girl. My heart pumps passion through my veins. We create photos I love. It doesn’t happen often enough, but whenever it does, it fills me with a deep sense of accomplishment, making all the struggle and failure worth it. ✕ ✕ ✕ But...

Gone

What words can describe the feeling that settles in when you realise that once again you’re separated, being the one left behind? A part of me is missing. I walk the streets alone and can’t look into these brown eyes full of love, feel his warmth by my side, my hand in his, our fingers entwined. I know I’ll be fine eventually, both of us always are. But right now I feel like something has been torn away from me. I miss him dearly....

A Precious Smile

We’re sitting in a train headed towards the mountains, playing Exploding Kittens. The compartment is packed. Luckily we’ve been early and caught a little space with a table for the four of us – two friends, my love and me. By the time precipices rise high outside the train window and the snow-covered mountain peaks seem within reach, we’re lost in the game. It’s funny. I remember being on trips many years ago, hearing other people having fun and laughing, envying them. There was no fun where...