love

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Gratitude

Switzerland turns white the day before December. I’m in a little cultural center in the middle of nowhere, listen to beautiful live music with eyes closed, forgetting that I’m in a body, drifting away. And I feel immense gratitude. For the safety net around me that I could only dream of years ago. For friends who have experienced me as a bad-tempered party pooper, didn’t judge nor mind, and just stay when I was so afraid of being left. For friends...

An Autumn Dinner

Here we are, sitting in the small kitchen of my new place. My flatmate and landlady is on holidays in Spain. You’re my first guest. It’s the first time we’re alone since our goodbye three months ago, the goodbye that left so many unanswered questions and moral dilemmas. A lot has happened since then. Everything changed, and I’m not sure where we stand today. You remind me of this Katy Perry song. Hot and cold. One moment close, the next...

stars (day xi)

September brings spring to Uruguay, presenting us with sunshine and warmth. It’s my last weekend here. We’re bound for the capital, leaving the town I had to call home for eleven months behind. The place tore my fundaments away, leaving me with both deep scars and the chance to become a stronger and happier person. That was six years ago. Tonight I stare out of the window of the bus in awe, watching the endless sky first turn into a fiery...

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is a weird thing, it chokes the necessity to share. Things are fine. Suddenly it’s September (what?!), spring has begun but I’m hopping into autumn soon and I can’t believe I’m about to turn 22. Days pass way too quickly while I do nothing and everything at once. Existing, living and enjoying life. There’s nothing I can complain about– I do what I love, create create create and get to spend lots of time with my love. I’ve even started...

nothing (day ix)

nothing, five years ago. You go out with people, spend hours together. You laugh, talk about things that don’t matter, get drunk and dance through the night. But this time together doesn’t mean anything. It’s all facades, hypocrisies and superficiality. A game that goes against my nature. It’s not about connecting, they don’t care about who I am or what I feel. What it takes to be included: look pretty, wear a smile on your lips, and– don’t be quiet....