loneliness

Tag

A Lonely Heart

You have this constant need of feeling loved, says my sister. The second you don’t, you feel lonely. Even though you have so many friends. Her words taste bitter. But she’s right, I need a ridiculous amount of attention. This thirst for connection and intimacy stems from the need to give and receive plenty of love. Intense relationships are my thing. I ask for a lot, but I’m willing to give as much. Not everyone can handle this intensity, but I won’t find friends if...

Demons

Life has been going on quietly. Days went by without my usual emotional rollercoaster. No state of joy nor of anxiety, just mediocrity. I was tired and busy – but I believed I was fine. Life is bland and less intense this way – without emotions, there’s no impulse to create or write. But it’s better than feeling down, right? ✕ ✕ ✕ I was wrong. I’ve been walking on ice all along while believing I was on a boring but safe path. The ground...

bathroom breakdown

At times, I’m overcome by a weird feeling that leaves me anxious. My mind gets restless, I can’t focus on anything but the feeling of having to do something, anything, writing creating photographing whatever. Then I’m in a different sphere and even the presence of friends can hardly bring me back. There’s a wedge, and I’m happy about it, because it protects me from this silly feeling of being rejected. Come on, Monika, don’t be stupid, you knew they’d be busy, it’s not that...