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Hurricane

April is stormy and passes by in a haze. My fear of being hurt and abandoned prevails. Lines and lines of squished words fill my notebook. The smaller and unreadable, the better. To avoid people reading it accidentally. I write during classes, boring speeches, lunch break, in the bus. The notebook is almost full. I wish the void within me could be filled as easily. The words don’t make a lot of sense, but I write as much as I can, hoping that a flash of genius would...

monika-jia-rui-143

-3°C

We’re in the outskirts of my beloved forest, in an unobstructed spot overlooking Lucerne. An icy wind hits my bare skin. Am I out of my mind? Only a week ago I was sick, drinking liters of tea per day and clutching a heat pack to my tummy. But here I am, taking off my jacket, dress and bra in a swift movement. Biting cold receives me. Liberation. I’m not only shedding my clothes, but also the inhibition and fears that have accompanied me...

Lost in Chaos

I should be packing. Instead, I’m trying to neither panic nor become apathetic and useless. Luckily I suddenly had the idea to capture my current state of mind to sort out my feelings, since doing something creative has always been the hero of the day. Here’s the result: Kinda dramatic, right? Don’t worry, I’m not sitting around staring into space like that (yet, haha). And I know it’s not a great shot, but this is my first attempt to capture a feeling...

Inner conflict of a third culture kid

Once again I was back home in Switzerland. I never know how I feel about it. I resent it, I love it. I feel home, I feel alienated. I want to be seen, I don’t want to see acquaintances. It’s comfort, I enjoy it – and I can’t stand it. It doesn’t make sense. When I cross the Swiss-German border and people suddenly speak standard German instead of Swiss German or vice versa, I feel confused, not sure how to interpret my...

little me eating durian

Countries I have called home

Since this blog is also about my experiences as a cosmopolitan (you can judge whether or not I can call myself one after reading this post) I thought a short biography would give you an overview of what my origins are and based on what experiences I’m writing. I was born in Singapore almost twenty years ago as the daughter of a Singaporean and a German. I lived there until 2003 and went to a German School, but I also spoke...