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disarmed

I’m unpacking and packing my luggage within a couple of hours. Here, there, gone. It’s time to return to Lucerne; the thought of it freaks me out. Meeting everyone again after a long time of absence.. I feel like I can’t do it, I want to be alone and hide while at the same time it’s the loneliness that’s eating me, the fear of realising that the connection is gone, people are okay without me, don’t miss me at all....

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Nomad Heart

Another summer replaced by winter. It’s exhausting. Three months at a place are too long to count as a short vacation but not long enough to form lasting friendships. No matter where I am, I always miss someone. My friends are never united. And I do try to form meaningful connections wherever I am, but sometimes I wonder what the point of it is. I’d like to stay for once, be somewhere and know that I don’t have to leave...

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Hurricane

April is stormy and passes by in a haze. My fear of being hurt and abandoned prevails. Lines and lines of squished words fill my notebook. The smaller and unreadable, the better. To avoid people reading it accidentally. I write during classes, boring speeches, lunch break, in the bus. The notebook is almost full. I wish the void within me could be filled as easily. The words don’t make a lot of sense, but I write as much as I can, hoping that a flash of genius would...

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-3°C

We’re in the outskirts of my beloved forest, in an unobstructed spot overlooking Lucerne. An icy wind hits my bare skin. Am I out of my mind? Only a week ago I was sick, drinking liters of tea per day and clutching a heat pack to my tummy. But here I am, taking off my jacket, dress and bra in a swift movement. Biting cold receives me. Liberation. I’m not only shedding my clothes, but also the inhibition and fears that have accompanied me...

Lost in Chaos

I should be packing. Instead, I’m trying to neither panic nor become apathetic and useless. Luckily I suddenly had the idea to capture my current state of mind to sort out my feelings, since doing something creative has always been the hero of the day. Here’s the result: Kinda dramatic, right? Don’t worry, I’m not sitting around staring into space like that (yet, haha). And I know it’s not a great shot, but this is my first attempt to capture a feeling...