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Gratitude

Switzerland turns white the day before December. I’m in a little cultural center in the middle of nowhere, listen to beautiful live music with eyes closed, forgetting that I’m in a body, drifting away. And I feel immense gratitude. For the safety net around me that I could only dream of years ago. For friends who have experienced me as a bad-tempered party pooper, didn’t judge nor mind, and just stay when I was so afraid of being left. For friends...

disarmed

I’m unpacking and packing my luggage within a couple of hours. Here, there, gone. It’s time to return to Lucerne; the thought of it freaks me out. Meeting everyone again after a long time of absence.. I feel like I can’t do it, I want to be alone and hide while at the same time it’s the loneliness that’s eating me, the fear of realising that the connection is gone, people are okay without me, don’t miss me at all....

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is a weird thing, it chokes the necessity to share. Things are fine. Suddenly it’s September (what?!), spring has begun but I’m hopping into autumn soon and I can’t believe I’m about to turn 22. Days pass way too quickly while I do nothing and everything at once. Existing, living and enjoying life. There’s nothing I can complain about– I do what I love, create create create and get to spend lots of time with my love. I’ve even started...

anywhere in the world (day x)

Jamaica, Saudi Arabia, Zambia. I like to look at my stats and see where my readers – you – come from. Algeria, Iraq, Pakistan. There are so many places I’ve never been to and might never visit. Cook Islands, St. Vincent & Grenadines, Jersey. Islands I couldn’t find if you gave me a globe and asked me to point them out. Singapore, my birth place and one of my many homes. I feel strangely connected to the clicks from that place and wonder if...

nothing (day ix)

nothing, five years ago. You go out with people, spend hours together. You laugh, talk about things that don’t matter, get drunk and dance through the night. But this time together doesn’t mean anything. It’s all facades, hypocrisies and superficiality. A game that goes against my nature. It’s not about connecting, they don’t care about who I am or what I feel. What it takes to be included: look pretty, wear a smile on your lips, and– don’t be quiet....