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monika-jia-rui-286

naked body, naked soul

I look at the photo above and feel physical and emotional closeness. Intimacy. Finally being able to connect on that level fills my heart with so much joy. It’s kinda .. funny how quickly and radically I tend to shut myself off from people when the greatest desire within me, the thing that keeps me going, is to connect with others. But today I find myself where I’ve always wanted to be. For years I’ve longed for people I could share my deepest feelings...

The Elephant

I can’t believe how close I came to losing real friends just because my mind convinced me that I was expendable. After a month of avoiding him, I finally talk to C. He deserves the truth. I’ve brushed him off so often, but he didn’t let it prevent him from reaching out again and yet again. Friends like him are gold. Giving him up would be pure stupidity. So we drink beer in a cozy bar and I order a pitcher to make...

over the edge

The new life I’ve grown to love is coming to an end. No whining anymore, I have to act. I was assigned to another module I didn’t like? Then I should use my free time to do what makes me feel alive, photograph as often as I can. Make progress with my exchange semester plans. People don’t care about me and I’ll be alone at the end, everything will be lost when I’m back in autumn? So be it. But in...

Two Extremes

My life swings between two extremes. Most of the time I’m sociable, talkative, barely spend any time on my own. Then there’s a sudden slump, everything goes dark and I forget how I’m supposed to work. I used to think that the girl with the bright smile was me while the other girl was dysfunctional and flawed. Someone who has to be fixed. I never considered the option that the latter could be taking care of me, putting on the emergency brake in order...

Breathing

Some photos I snapped during my hike near Meiringen (where Sherlock Holmes faked his death) on Saturday afternoon. No writing, no music, no distractions. I try to think as little as possible and focus on my environment. Let my mind and senses wander. Dried leaves rustle, stirred up by mice. Omnipresent chirping of birds. Faraway car noise. Sunshine, a pleasant breeze. Two deers half hidden in the covert. I take deep breaths. I’ve been waiting for this. Medicine for my tattered soul. I’m lucky...