fear

Tag

Kaja

out of control (day xii)

And then – rage. This stupid suitcase banging against my leg, a future bruise on my thigh. My back hurts. Still so many steps to scale. Halfway there I realise: This anger. Is not about my heavy luggage. The sweat running down my temples. The calluses on my right palm. The narrow stairway. It’s triggered by utter helplessness. I’m facing something too big for me. I’ve been caught up in my comfortable little bubble. Too busy getting my life together. And so...

Honesty

Again– warning, post contains nudity. It’s about an honesty that we miss in our everyday life. We live our lives trying to be as adequate and enough as we can be, trying to fit in this social construct. The photos are about having the courage of being who we are, accepting our worst flaws, and the question: What if we were more honest about this ugliness we try to cover up? They reflect my current outlook on life – how...

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A Cold Heart

Maybe I’ve missed the point or was wrong about it all along. My fear of being abandoned is immense so it distracted me from something else. Something less obvious, but possibly even bigger – the fear of how I react to alleged imminent abandonment. The fear of realising what I’m capable of when I’m afraid. When I’m in flight mode, I run and burn whatever ties might hold me back. Worse – I’m explosive. I blow up my connections without...

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Nomad Heart

Another summer replaced by winter. It’s exhausting. Three months at a place are too long to count as a short vacation but not long enough to form lasting friendships. No matter where I am, I always miss someone. My friends are never united. And I do try to form meaningful connections wherever I am, but sometimes I wonder what the point of it is. I’d like to stay for once, be somewhere and know that I don’t have to leave...

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naked body, naked soul

I look at the photo above and feel physical and emotional closeness. Intimacy. Finally being able to connect on that level fills my heart with so much joy. It’s kinda .. funny how quickly and radically I tend to shut myself off from people when the greatest desire within me, the thing that keeps me going, is to connect with others. But today I find myself where I’ve always wanted to be. For years I’ve longed for people I could share my deepest feelings...