Satisfaction is a weird thing, it chokes the necessity to share.
Things are fine. Suddenly it’s September (what?!), spring has begun but I’m hopping into autumn soon and I can’t believe I’m about to turn 22. Days pass way too quickly while I do nothing and everything at once. Existing, living and enjoying life. There’s nothing I can complain about– I do what I love, create create create and get to spend lots of time with my love. I’ve even started to make friends.
I’ve settled here in Uruguay. I found out where I can get my vegan food, got familiar with the employees of the vegetarian Chinese store and the man who develops my film, got used to the loud city that unsettled me so much two months ago. I wouldn’t mind if I had to stay here. On the contrary, I don’t see myself returning to Switzerland and half-starting new again in less than two weeks.
Occasionally little crisis do hit me and I feel utterly alone in this country that is not mine. People just want to meet me to get my oh-so-beautiful photos for free, I feel exploited and reduced to my camera. It paralyses me, the thing that’s supposed to connect me with others drives me apart from them and the longing to be reunited with my friends in Switzerland who care more about me than about my photos overwhelms me.
But there are other people, too. Lovely souls who want to spend time with me because of me. We sit together, talk and share– and maybe take some photos afterwards. Then we create something that feels magical; those moments make the vulnerability and pain all worth it. Sometimes it’s not even necessary to have a super deep talk beforehand. Just have something to contribute when we create together, that’s all I ask for.
Eleven days till it’s time to return to Switzerland.
I’ve got used to falling asleep next to my love, embracing each other on his narrow bed that’s not made for two people, and waking up to the alarm of his or my phone. He’s really good at ignoring the sound but I can’t stand it, so I’d drowsily ask him to hurry up and hand me my phone. Needless to say we usually sleep for a while longer.
We didn’t start on the best terms when I came here this year – I was so lost and confused – but now we’re as close as ever and I’m so tired of saying goodbye YET AGAIN. The eighth time in the last three and a half years. But still, I can’t complain. If things go well, we’re more than half way through the long-distance part of our relationship.
Anyways, I don’t feel like I’ve much to share word-wise (just wanted to let you know that I’m alive and well), but I do want to share new photos with you. Film photos, to be exact. After my bumpy beginning I’m slowly getting used to it and IT IS AMAZING. I feel like a child that’s been given a new toy to play with. I’m really excited about getting to know this medium and shoot. a. lot.
I’m obsessed with it and try to improve as fast as I can by practicing whenever I can. But more about that in another post – click here if you want to check out my recent work (lots of film photos included).
I hope you’re doing well ❤️ I’ll get back to your comments as soon as I can, but for now I try to focus on spending as much time as possible with the people in Uruguay. Time runs.