The new life I’ve grown to love is coming to an end. No whining anymore, I have to act. I was assigned to another module I didn’t like? Then I should use my free time to do what makes me feel alive, photograph as often as I can. Make progress with my exchange semester plans. People don’t care about me and I’ll be alone at the end, everything will be lost when I’m back in autumn? So be it. But in the meantime, let’s meet up with old friends and strangers that become new friends, open up, talk & connect.
I don’t want to leave with heavy regrets weighing my heart down.
It gets extreme, almost every free hour is filled with shooting and socializing. This world brims over with fascinating people. Sleep has never been more overrated. But my heart is full. It bursts with happiness, inspiration and love for all those beautiful souls I get to meet. Having little time left in Switzerland makes me appreciate it even more. I want to make the best of it.
Life feels perfect in its fugacious beauty. An advantage of having my life sprawled across two continents. There’s always a deadline, time is always precious. So I focus on what counts. A time limit makes setting priorities crucial.
And yes, there is the subliminal fear of regret that pushes me further and further. Hopefully not over the edge. On the other hand, it’s this fear that makes me bolder. It paradoxically turns me into someone who has little to lose, who is up for new adventures and not afraid of being rejected. Since I’ll lose everything anyways, I might as well have a good time before it happens, right?
Some unexpected connections have been made in the past few weeks. They wouldn’t have occurred if everything had continued the same old way with the same familiar people. Maybe I was pushed over the edge. And this is the other side.
Always saying goodbye is painful and I definitely don’t have the healthiest methods when it comes to dealing with it. It’s naive to assume that people are going to stay forever, so I better appreciate them while they’re there. Instead of running away.
But for once, my tendency to be unnecessarily destructive has brought something positive as well. The most unexpected and beautiful aspect of all: after I’ve burnt it all, tender new connections get a chance to blossom in the scorched soil.
For now. Everything will be fine.