Thursday evening, once again my flatmates and I cook dinner together. It’s kinda become my highlight of the week. Our new flatmate’s girlfriend is there, too; both are really nice, but seeing them together makes me feel the absence of my love. It’s a subliminal pain. I try to forget about it; there’s nothing I can do about him not being here, so what’s the point in whining?
We have fajitas and I greedily get a second one, stuffed with delicious ingredients. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. Not only mine, though: The girlfriend gives her leftovers to her boyfriend like I have done in the past. But this time, I have to finish mine on my own. As silly as it sounds, little details like this make my heart ache with longing.
Then we go dancing. In the club there’s a song that reminds me of someone from my past. Silly, nostalgic me. I don’t want to think of it, but it’s difficult to push these thoughts back into a dusty corner of my mind because my present (and future) is so far away and music is a powerful trigger, especially in the combination with alcohol. All I can do is cling to memories of happy moments shared with my love; there are no reassuring hugs I can resort to. It makes me miss him even more.
Anyways, I do my best to have a good time and forget the longing, but then I accidentally step on a guy’s foot while dancing absentmindedly. I didn’t even realise it until I see some dramatic gestures out of the corner of my eye. I apologise kindly. Luckily he’s not really upset, but then a girl steps in and aggressively tells me that he’s hers and I should back off.
WTF. It hits me pretty hard. Here I am, missing my love, and some random girl wrongly accuses me of hitting on her guy? I try not to get pissed, but it’s hard to control my emotions.
Luckily they play some reggaeton shortly after this incident. I force myself to dive into the music and forget about it. Reggaeton has saved me so many times and I’m grateful for being with lovely people with whom I feel free to dance as crazily as I like. I don’t think they judge me for it.
My love and I are able to live together for a couple of months every year. I know that many long-distance relationship couples don’t have this possibility, so I know I shouldn’t complain. But nowadays, the first person I tell my day about after returning from uni is not him, but one of my flatmates. This has led to close bonds within a short amount of time, but while I quickly grow together with others, I have to be careful that my love and I don’t drift apart.
Relationships need maintenance, and long-distance relationships require even more so. It’s definitely not just smiles, cuteness, happiness and perfection. But we have a strong foundation made of love, trust and loyalty and are determined to get through the distance in order to live together in the future. And it has worked so far.
The perspective of eventually living together is the light at the end of the tunnel; for this reason, it hurts even more when I meet people who – without any reason – are convinced that long-distance relationships don’t work, that they end with one partner cheating on the other, etc, etc. What I’ve been told, in summary: I shouldn’t trust him as much as I do, I’m being delusional when I think of marriage and
bla, bla, bla.
It makes me angry. How dare you judge the relationship of people you don’t know? And what does it say about your idea of love? Do you think that love doesn’t last when the person is out of sight, because we’re weak and sex-starved and can’t help but eventually give in to temptation?
Maybe I’m indeed delusional and will be proven wrong, but for now I simply feel sorry for people who have this idea of love and can only hope that they’ll find someone who proves them otherwise. Because I know from the bottom of my heart that my love wouldn’t do that, because I know him.
I guess those doubts say more about the person than about my relationship; I should stop trying to convince people of something that they don’t want to be convinced of. It’s just difficult to listen to people who think that your relationship will fail sooner or later. I know that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, I simply wish that people were more thoughtful about what they say sometimes – be it the girl in the club or a totally nice person with a strong opinion about something unknown to them. At times, it’s difficult enough without these comments.
Anyways, something positive: the flight is booked and I can’t wait to be reunited with my love in less than seven weeks <3