Life Without Him

2016-11-09

monika-jia-rui-069

Thursday evening, once again my flatmates and I cook dinner together. It’s kinda become my highlight of the week. Our new flatmate’s girlfriend is there, too; both are really nice, but seeing them together makes me feel the absence of my love. It’s a subliminal pain. I try to forget about it; there’s nothing I can do about him not being here, so what’s the point in whining?

We have fajitas and I greedily get a second one, stuffed with delicious ingredients. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. Not only mine, though: The girlfriend gives her leftovers to her boyfriend like I have done in the past. But this time, I have to finish mine on my own. As silly as it sounds, little details like this make my heart ache with longing.

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Then we go dancing. In the club there’s a song that reminds me of someone from my past. Silly, nostalgic me. I don’t want to think of it, but it’s difficult to push these thoughts back into a dusty corner of my mind because my present (and future) is so far away and music is a powerful trigger, especially in the combination with alcohol. All I can do is cling to memories of happy moments shared with my love; there are no reassuring hugs I can resort to. It makes me miss him even more.

Anyways, I do my best to have a good time and forget the longing, but then I accidentally step on a guy’s foot while dancing absentmindedly. I didn’t even realise it until I see some dramatic gestures out of the corner of my eye. I apologise kindly. Luckily he’s not really upset, but then a girl steps in and aggressively tells me that he’s hers and I should back off. WTF. It hits me pretty hard. Here I am, missing my love, and some random girl wrongly accuses me of hitting on her guy? I try not to get pissed, but it’s hard to control my emotions.

Luckily they play some reggaeton shortly after this incident. I force myself to dive into the music and forget about it. Reggaeton has saved me so many times and I’m grateful for being with lovely people with whom I feel free to dance as crazily as I like. I don’t think they judge me for it.

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My love and I are able to live together for a couple of months every year. I know that many long-distance relationship couples don’t have this possibility, so I know I shouldn’t complain. But nowadays, the first person I tell my day about after returning from uni is not him, but one of my flatmates. This has led to close bonds within a short amount of time, but while I quickly grow together with others, I have to be careful that my love and I don’t drift apart.

Relationships need maintenance, and long-distance relationships require even more so. It’s definitely not just smiles, cuteness, happiness and perfection. But we have a strong foundation made of love, trust and loyalty and are determined to get through the distance in order to live together in the future. And it has worked so far.

The perspective of eventually living together is the light at the end of the tunnel; for this reason, it hurts even more when I meet people who – without any reason – are convinced that long-distance relationships don’t work, that they end with one partner cheating on the other, etc, etc. What I’ve been told, in summary: I shouldn’t trust him as much as I do, I’m being delusional when I think of marriage and bla, bla, bla.

It makes me angry. How dare you judge the relationship of people you don’t know? And what does it say about your idea of love? Do you think that love doesn’t last when the person is out of sight, because we’re weak and sex-starved and can’t help but eventually give in to temptation?

Maybe I’m indeed delusional and will be proven wrong, but for now I simply feel sorry for people who have this idea of love and can only hope that they’ll find someone who proves them otherwise. Because I know from the bottom of my heart that my love wouldn’t do that, because I know him.

I guess those doubts say more about the person than about my relationship; I should stop trying to convince people of something that they don’t want to be convinced of. It’s just difficult to listen to people who think that your relationship will fail sooner or later. I know that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, I simply wish that people were more thoughtful about what they say sometimes – be it the girl in the club or a totally nice person with a strong opinion about something unknown to them. At times, it’s difficult enough without these comments.

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Anyways, something positive: the flight is booked and I can’t wait to be reunited with my love in less than seven weeks <3

33 Comments
      1. I know you’re right, but it’s easier said than done, especially when you like the person :D I hope you’re doing well x

        1. Of course, but why let people who know nothing about what they`re talking about, let you down? I`m doing great, thank you. :-)

      1. It’s great to hear from you again, Fatima! x yeah, I think it does :) take care!

    1. I have been in the same position for nearly two years while I finish my PhD, we managed to see each other once a month, however sometimes it wasn’t possible and it put a strain on things. However now I’m in the process of moving to Switzerland to be with her, so I am probably more in the light than tunnel now. I’m sure it won’t be long for you either, good luck!

      1. ohh I didn’t know you were moving to Switzerland because of her, that’s lovely! :)) where did you do your PhD? Unfortunately we have to wait for like three more years, but yeah, we haven’t had any problems for the last two and a half years so I think we’ll be fine :) I’m really happy for you, though! Have a lovely Sunday :)

        1. Yes, she is Swiss, I met her while she was doing Erasmus in the uk. I did/am doing my PhD in Sheffield, in north England, you know it?ahh that’s tough, but definitely manageable! We met nearly three years ago, and finally now or soon we will be reunited on a permanent basis! That’s great you’ve had no problems, I imagine you have a few bumps on the road like we have but nothing too serious!thank you, I had a great relaxing Sunday, and look forward to hearing more about your experiences!

          1. Sorry for my late reply – yeah I think I’ve read about Sheffield in “The History Boys”, do you know the play? :D I’m glad to hear that you’re about to be reunited on a permanent basis! So you’re already in Switzerland? Yeah we had some bumps as well, but luckily nothing that seriously threatened our relationship. Have a nice day!

            1. I’ve heard of it but that’s all! More famous is the full monty film – quite funny! Not quite, I come back to Switzerland on Tuesday till January, desperately in need of a job. I’m sure it will work out great for you

              1. Oh, I hope you had a great first week in Switzerland and that you’re going to find a job quickly! Have a lovely Advent season with your girlfriend :)

    1. I think that it is wonderful that you are deepening your love and building trust together in your relationship with your loved one. Long distance relationships definitely can an do grow and mature into beautiful lifetime love.

      1. Thank you very much for your supportive words, Alex! :) have a lovely weekend and take care.

    1. I think trust is an very essential part in any relationship without that no relationship can sustain physical distance is just an illusion where as if their is any difference in the thoughts then also it can end up any relationship in an painful way it’s not about sharing only bed but sharing our doubt too so that we can resolve out in proper way…

      1. hey Ranjan, thank you very much for your thoughtful comment! I totally agree with you – that’s why this relationship is so much healthier than my last, “normal” one when there was hardly any trust and support. Wish you a lovely weekend :)

    1. I really enjoyed this piece and I can relate to it completely. I went through about 18 months of a very long distance relationship and it ended in nine years (and counting) of marriage and two kids :) It’s never easy to sustain relationships when distance is such a factor but it isn’t impossible and I hope you prove any doubters wrong.

      1. Oh, I’m so glad it worked out for you!! I love successful LDR-stories and yours sounds amazing. I wish you all your family all the best and lots of happiness, thank you for sharing :)

    1. You have a good, strong writing style….As a psychic, I often see when doing readings that other people do not know about what is going on with us and our lives because they cannot observe what is happening inside of us or our relationships. Just know that you know what is going on and what your goals are. teareading.wordpress.com

      1. Thank you very much for your encouraging comment, Tanya :) you’re right, I should worry less about other people’s opinions and remarks in this matter! take care :)

      1. I love this quote: “Long distance is worth it when your mate is.” – so true!! thank you for sharing and the kind comment, take care xx

    1. Beautiful post. I lived in Uruguay as a kid. I miss traveling so I do it through the other peoples eyes for now.

    1. That’s one thing I hate about long-distance relationships… how you feel like you have to get closer to other people than to your partner because of the distance and time difference. It gets hard sometimes.

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