We wander through the streets of the town that was my home the last couple of months. I don’t know this quarter. Old buildings with broken façades line our way. Every now and then I halt, pointing my camera at something that has caught my attention, moving around a bit in order to find the right frame.
You wait patiently. You tell me things about our surroundings, historical background information about the quarter, an anecdote about the back road to our right, details of the future of the abandoned building in front of us. You’re a confident narrator with a pleasant storytelling people like to listen to.
And I listen. Or .. do I? Am I really listening? Or am I just nodding at the right time, asking the right questions at the right time? Questions to make you go on, to give you the impression that I’m listening while I’m lost in thoughts, not a few meters from you but actually in an entirely different world?
A world where no one can reach me.
I don’t do it on purpose, no, please don’t think that! I want to listen, but I’ve just lost the ability to do that. And I’m truly sorry. I know time is precious, especially when it comes to a person of your age. I know it and that’s why I feel so awful. I’m not making the best of our time together.
I wish I was more attentive to what you say, more grateful for everything you’re doing for me. I’m not who I want to be around you and I don’t know what’s stopping me. Impatience? Restlessness? Whatever it is, there is no excuse.
At the end I can just hope that I’ll change before it’s too late. I want to be the good listener I used to be again.
A lot has been going through my head lately. That’s the reason why the last couple of posts were rather impersonal and photos-related. I had to write, but there were so many thoughts and feelings so that I was too overwhelmed to write about something meaningful.
I hope this rather gloomy post didn’t freak you out, I just felt like trying something new and would love to have some feedback because I have no idea how you’ll take it and feel a tiny little bit insecure since it’s definitely out of my comfort zone. But well, I really had to let it out.
Furthermore, this is the first time I used more than the basics (brightness/contrast/etc.) to edit the photos because I thought it’d fit better, what do you think?
A last question: Have you experienced something similar? If you have, with whom?
And last, but not least: a big thank you for reading this post and for all your comments lately, I really appreciate it! You’re great!! :) xox