Some unexpected love I received this week:
- My dear friend Sophia tagged me in a picture with the text ‘The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in others‘, writing “that’s you“.
It made me so happy to know that someone thinks of me like that.
- Stefan, my male model from last Sunday, has totally surprised me with this Facebook post: “Are you interested in a photo shooting? Do you want some cool photos of yourself? Get in touch with Monika from Monika Jia Rui Photography. If you like the photos she takes, support her by liking her fanpage”
I was so overwhelmed about his cute gesture I couldn’t wait to share it with my friend who I was waiting for outside the public toilet. The moment the door opened, I turned around with a big grin, extending my smartphone – just to lower it awkwardly when I looked into a stranger’s face who gave me a weird look. Well, shit happens, I didn’t let it lessen my joy.
- Then James‘ kind words: ‘(…) but don’t even, with the inspirational stuff because I’ve been reading your posts for months and months, and I don’t admire many things to the scale that I admire the honesty and real personality that shines through the posts that you write. so don’t ever stop writing, and really, I can’t wait to be able to have a chat in person.‘
Reading this from someone I find very inspirational is incredibly encouraging. Thanks to his words, I’m writing this post right now. It’s hard to be honest and open but I want to try.
Gestures like these light up my heart. Giving and receiving love is the most wonderful thing I can think of. I used to feel awkward about my feelings, cautious about revealing them because I was afraid I could either repel someone by showing that I like and appreciate them or that I’d have to realise that it’s rather one-sided, a horrible feeling.
Since I often experienced that someone meant way more to me than I meant to them, I gradually became more cautious. Those were dark and lonely years. Once I wrote “I have so many people I could talk with about my problems but nobody would choose me to talk about theirs” and I felt unneeded, dependent.
I was in an unhealthy relationship two years ago that made me feel worthless and needy even though I was just having normal and healthy emotional needs. The good thing about it was that I started opening up to my friends, often asking them for advice. I must have been a bit annoying at times because it was the same problem again and again, but that phase made me realise that there were people who cared about me and who I could rely on – and who opened up as well after I made the start.
In spring 2014, around the time I got together with my love, things have finally changed. His love is pure and reassuring and suddenly I felt like I didn’t have to hold in all my feelings anymore. He gave me the confidence to love fearlessly. It’s okay to open up and risk getting hurt. I love this quote by Erin Hanson: ““What if I fall?” – Oh but my darling, what if you fly?”
So here I am, one and a half years later. I love humans and I hardly want anything as much as showing them that they’re appreciated. Show me you have a kind heart and I’ll let you into mine. What can we gain from building walls around us? Why don’t we encourage each other instead?
Life is much more beautiful when we keep our hearts open. Yes, we make ourselves vulnerable this way, but imagine the strength we can draw from giving each other more love. I’m not just speaking of your friends, but also of people you’ve just met. Strangers, acquaintances. It doesn’t cost you anything to be nice and you can light up someone else’s day just as those three examples above have mine.