Journal

Category

Faded Magic

I see three ghosts from my past in a day, people I haven’t seen for ages. In a time long gone, I was in unhealthy relationships with two of them – for reasons I don’t understand anymore. The possibility of a confrontation makes me feel uneasy, but emotionally I’m unaffected. The unjustified accusations of being needy and emotionally dependent, the control imposed over me, the self-esteem I lost because I was too young to know how to defend my boundaries, the tears of...

Doors Wide Open

I still have four weeks until I have to hand in my portfolio for my photography studies application, but I’m already freaking out. My head feels clouded, anxiety runs through my body and mind and I have to pull myself together so I don’t resort to food in order to feel in control of something, anything. At the end, I give in. Loads of salted crackers fill my belly. While I used to hate myself because of that, I let it...

November Thoughts – 2015

November 10th Life passes so quickly between taking care of children, tuition, photo shoots, nurturing relationships and fretting about art school choices. I love these peaceful weeks in which I do what I love, save up money and don’t have to worry about my future (yet). Unfortunately this will change soon enough. Now it’s already dark by 5pm and Christmas decoration is displayed in the shop windows. It’s almost mid November and I wonder what has happened to October. My first uni...

My most inspiring encounter

Two months ago, something incredible happened. It was one of the most inspiring encounters I’ve ever had. I’m a fan of Antje Babendererde, a German author who mainly writes novels for young adults set in Native American Reservations, ever since I’ve first read a novel of hers eight years ago. This April, I finally got the chance to meet her in person – in Gotha, where she grew up. Because of some confusion and many fruitless phone calls beforehand (I was told it...