Journal

Category

Winter

It’s winter again. He left and here I am, stuck with too much time to think. I’m settling in, getting used to a life I once loved. Months have gone by, things changed, people left. I don’t recognise it anymore. I’m staring at its skeletal remains, taunting me. You should have treasured it while it lasted. And I want to scream – but I did, I loved every damn second of it. I adored it all – the blooms in spring, the warmth of...

Beyond Beauty

This is the thing I struggle with: it’s so easy to look beautiful. At least for a photographer. You learn to see, find, capture beauty. And you can always return to it – whenever you feel rejected, insecure, anything, and are in need of validation. You share a pretty picture on social media, get compliments and for a while, your world feels okay again. But it’s a coward thing to do. To exploit beauty as a refuge. It takes courage...

selfportrait_monika_jiarui

The Price

Little nightmares are coming true. My heart stocks for a second. My throat tightens. Breathe. This is life. Carry on. My fingers feel cold. Or numb? I’m not sure. Can’t tell the difference. A tiny notification on a little screen. Probably meaningless, you’re over-interpreting things again. Here it is. A stunned pain, slowly trickling in. The shock cracks the indifference I’ve built around my heart. Forgotten. Of course. I almost managed to convince myself that I didn’t care anymore. Almost. But...

Kaja

out of control (day xii)

And then – rage. This stupid suitcase banging against my leg, a future bruise on my thigh. My back hurts. Still so many steps to scale. Halfway there I realise: This anger. Is not about my heavy luggage. The sweat running down my temples. The calluses on my right palm. The narrow stairway. It’s triggered by utter helplessness. I’m facing something too big for me. I’ve been caught up in my comfortable little bubble. Too busy getting my life together. And so...

Honesty

Again– warning, post contains nudity. It’s about an honesty that we miss in our everyday life. We live our lives trying to be as adequate and enough as we can be, trying to fit in this social construct. The photos are about having the courage of being who we are, accepting our worst flaws, and the question: What if we were more honest about this ugliness we try to cover up? They reflect my current outlook on life – how...