365 Project – Week 5

2016-10-10

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Hello, my dears! It’s crazy how quickly time passes when you have a regular schedule – I’m already one week behind with my 365-project posts and haven’t been writing any regular ones at all (more about that in the next post).

Anyways, I hope you enjoy week five’s photos – as always, feedback is welcome! I have some good news as well: I’m super close to reaching the goal of my birthday donation campaign!! If you have a few dollars to spare, I’d be super grateful if you made a little contribution for clean water projects in Africa <3 It’d be amazing if we not only reached the goal, but also raised more than first planned!

Have a lovely evening! x

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29/365 • don’t be afraid of getting hurt

I used to be afraid of love. It can be the most wonderful feeling, yes, but you also make yourself incredibly vulnerable. Opening up your heart, loving wholeheartedly and making yourself dependent could mean getting hurt, or worse, broken.

But when I found my beloved, it didn’t matter anymore. I knew he was the one and this certainty gives me the strength to endure the distance until we can be together. I don’t really mind it; modern means of communication are amazing. I’ve never been happier and the good outweighs the bad.

However, some days can be perfect (because of friends, family, …) and I feel amazing – but I miss him and wait for a message that doesn’t come. Suddenly I find myself feeling lost and lonely. I made myself dependent and vulnerable; that’s the price I have to pay. And it’s okay.

I’ve learnt to embrace love with everything that comes with it. It’s better to experience the ups and downs than to build a wall around your heart, trying to protect it. Because the wall around your heart keeps you from being happy as well.

So after so many pictures showing the happiness, here’s a different perspective. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt. The risk is worth it. <3

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30/365 • mosquitos’ feast

The good news: I went out with one of my lovely roommates to explore the area around our residency. I found some pretty locations I can use for future photos and enjoyed the chat with her.

The bad news: I couldn’t take the photo I wanted to, had to shorten my shoot and run out of the forest while cursing because there were SO MANY MOSQUITOS. I counted more than thirty bites on my legs and found two ticks as well. It’s the last time I’m going into the forest this season – I’m going to wait till the cold kills everything off. It’s so much better to suffer cold than mosquito bites :D

Sorry for rambling but I’m quite traumatized from this experience haha

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31/365 • intense gratitude

Some people know how to beautifully take and edit backlit images – well, I don’t (at least not yet), but never mind.
I had the most wonderful evening. Sat on a bench on a bridge overlooking the Lake Lucerne while the sun was setting behind me and the sky slowly turned darker. Charismatic old buildings were on both sides of the bridge, I heard the river’s soothing noise and – to make it perfect – two cellos were playing beautiful songs nearby. It was magical. I felt like I was in Paris.

I let it sink in and enjoyed the moment. After a while, I finally realised that I was really living and studying in Lucerne, that my biggest dreams came true after all. I’m a damn lucky girl, there’s nothing I could wish for and this realization filled my whole being with an intense gratitude.

I’m going to treasure this precious memory for the darker moments that’ll eventually come.

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32/365 • nature outside my window

These huge, beautiful trees are right in front of my window. I love my view and I definitely want to shoot here again, wearing a dress (once the mosquitos are gone). There’s just a little problem: I live in an apartment complex, hence my room is by far not the only one that has a big window facing this place :D

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33/365 • blurred

My studies have barely started and are already quite challenging – both on a personal and intellectual level. It’s a bit .. weird to realise that your mind seems to be too simple to understand complex art, that what you like are clichés.. it makes you wonder if you actually have the potential to be good enough for their standards.

But not everything is lost. I do seem to have some qualities I didn’t know about. My identity has started to blur. It’s so confusing – but great, too. While it’s most unsettling to have your foundations shaken and maybe even torn down, I’m also very curious to see what’ll arise afterwards.

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34/365 • imperfections

Souvenirs from my failed forest expedition four days ago.

Funny enough, I suddenly don’t really mind sharing “ugly” or imperfect photos anymore. Of course there’s this little voice asking uneasily: ‘What if people will judge you?’, but I’ve learnt to ignore it. This project is about experimenting, authenticity and consistency, and I’m slowly pushing my boundaries.

Of course, ideally, there’s something beautiful involved in the photos as well, so it’d be more appealing. But let’s be real: not all aspects of our lives are pretty. So here’s a grainy photo embracing bruises and imperfections.

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35/365 • black waters

I left my comfort zone and jumped into a river for today’s 365! The first moments were a bit uncomfortable (and I was acting like a drama queen), but after a while, I got used to the cool current pushing against my body and loved being there and feeling so alive. Can’t wait to experiment more with rivers, lakes, mud, etc. <3

A huge thank you to my friend Gianni from GAM Photography for patiently helping me out today! :))

12 Comments
    1. thank you soo much for sharing! As a fellow self portrait photographer, I really appreciate the time & thought you are putting into your 365 project. Keep it up!

      1. Thank you very much for your kind comment, Sarah! I took a look at your blog, awesome! Keep up the great work :)

    1. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are improving everyday :) Especially, I like photo 32/365 and 35/365.
      The first one feels natural: you smiling at the camera in a moment of relaxation. I understand the trap of the beautiful shot, of the “people pleaser” as you call it, but don’t forget that also trying too hard to make Art with the big “A” can be a trap.
      The second one reminds me of the goal to try to live with abandon. Looking at you swimming in cold waters reminds me of the morning I took a cold bath and started to laugh to being alive, in spite of the cold water wrapping my body. Some things scare you and some hurt you, but they can nonetheless be beautiful and, in a way, transcendent.

      1. Thank you so much, Nina <3 This project is definitely teaching me to let go, create even when I don't feel like it and embrace the results, whether they were a success or a 'failure' :) I loved your last paragraph, beautiful words. There's definitely a beauty in (almost) everything that touches us emotionally. Have a lovely weekend <3

    1. your photography has exploded since I first visited your blog about a year ago! love what you’re doing – totally awesome!

      1. oh, thank you so much, Charlie! that was a beautiful reminder that even though I often don’t feel that way when I look at my more recent photos, I’ve made lots of progress compared to last year. Have a wonderful weekend, it was great to hear from you again :)

    1. Charlie is absolutely right. Strong pictures (and yes, I see a relation between this strength and the vulnerability we dsicussed earlier…). The blurred one stands out for me.

      1. Thank you very much, I appreciate your kind feedback a lot :) This project is pushing my boundaries (especially regarding vulnerability) and I’m glad it shows. Take care and have a lovely weekend :)

      1. haha yeah, I didn’t really want to have them either :P

        well, I’d say as long as they’re not too big, they can be aesthetic in a meaningful way. But I’m sure nobody would actually want to have a really big scar..

Let me know what you think!

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